Leading vs. Being Liked
So, you got promoted. 🎉
You used to be in the group chat, swapping memes and venting about leadership. Now… you are leadership. And suddenly, everything feels weird as hell.
You’re in new meetings. You’re running 1:1s. You’re giving performance feedback to people who, just last month, were griping with you about deadlines. And while you’re excited about this opportunity, you also feel like you’re walking a tightrope between being liked and actually leading.
This is one of the trickiest transitions in leadership, and it’s totally normal to feel awkward. But the good news? You can handle this shift in a way that keeps trust, respect, and your own sanity intact.
Here’s how…
Step 1: Redefine what ‘being liked’ means
Right now, you might be defining likeability as:
✅ Being easygoing
✅ Avoiding tough calls
✅ Keeping things light
But as a leader, that needs to shift to:
✅ Being fair
✅ Being consistent
✅ Being clear, even when it’s uncomfortable
The truth? People don’t need a boss who wants to be liked. They need a boss they trust. That trust is built when you’re honest, transparent, and follow through on what you say.
Step 2: Address the elephant in the room
You don’t have to pretend this isn’t weird. It is. But the best way to move forward is to name it:
💬 “So, uh… this is weird, right? Yesterday we were sending each other Slack memes, and now I’m running the 1:1s. Just want to acknowledge that upfront. It’s new for me too, and I know it’s an adjustment. I want this team to be solid, and I want to do right by you. That means being honest, keeping things fair, and yeah, probably having a few uncomfortable convos along the way. I’m in your corner, and I’ll always keep it real with you. We’ll figure out the rest as we go.”
By putting it out in the open, you lower the tension and show your team that you’re not pretending to have it all figured out.
Step 3: Set boundaries without being an a**hole
Now that you’re in a leadership role, people may still expect you to be the person they vent to, push back against leadership with, or expect favors from. You need to set boundaries, but in a way that keeps things fair and human.
Scenario: A former peer starts complaining about leadership
💬 “Oh man, I totally used to vent about that too. But now that I’m in the leadership team meetings, you and I can actually do something about it – at least, some of it. So let’s put our energy into what we can fix. What would actually make this better?”
Scenario: Someone expects special treatment
💬 “Look, I’m gonna be as straight with you as I can. I have to be fair to everyone. If it ever feels like I’m handling things differently, tell me. But I won’t be playing favorites, and I won’t BS you either.”
Scenario: Your friendships feel different
💬 “I know, a lot has changed. But a lot hasn’t too – we can still grab lunch and talk about how wild that show finale was. At work, I have to call things like I see them. It doesn’t mean I don’t care; it actually means I care a lot.”
Boundaries don’t mean shutting people out; they just mean being clear about your role and expectations.
Step 4: Give feedback without feeling like a traitor
Giving feedback to former peers is awkward at first, but your team doesn’t need you to sugarcoat things. They need you to help them improve. So, make feedback clear, constructive, and focused on impact.
Set the tone for feedback early:
💬 “Alright, here’s the deal: I want you to absolutely crush it in this role. So we’ll have check-ins where we go over what’s working, what’s feeling messy, and what we can tweak. No weird ‘performance review’ vibes. Just real talk.”
If someone’s underperforming:
💬 “Hey, I’ve been seeing some deadlines slide, and I wanna make sure you’re set up to actually get through your workload. What’s going on? Anything I can help shift?”
If someone pushes back on feedback:
💬 “Look, I know this hits different now that it’s coming from me, but I’m not here to micromanage…I just want to make sure you’re set up to do your best work. What’s getting in the way?”
The key? Keep it about the work, not the person.
Step 5: Balance the generational gap
If you’re leading a Gen Z-heavy team while also reporting to an older exec team, congrats! You are officially the middle child of corporate life. 😵💫
By leading with clarity and trust, you build credibility with both sides. Here’s how to bridge the gap:
✅ Gen Z loves transparency. Don’t sugarcoat decisions.
💬 “I won’t BS you – if something’s possible, I’ll tell you. If it’s not, I’ll tell you why. And if you have ideas on how we do things better, I wanna hear ‘em.”
✅ They want work to have meaning. Show how their contributions matter.
💬 “What do you wanna get out of this role, besides the paycheck? Let’s make sure this job sets you up for whatever’s next.”
✅ They expect flexibility & growth. Help them see a path forward.
💬 “If you’re feeling stuck, let’s talk about what’s next. Whether it’s here or somewhere else, I want you to leave this role stronger than when you started.”
Checklist: What to do right now
✅ Acknowledge the shift: Own that this transition is weird, but also an opportunity.
✅ Redefine ‘being liked’: Aim for fairness, not being the ‘chill boss.’
✅ Set boundaries early: Be clear about expectations, but stay human.
✅ Make feedback normal: Keep it real, focus on impact, and don’t avoid hard conversations.
✅ Bridge the generational gap: Lead with transparency, meaning, and growth.
The first few months will feel strange, but if you lean into clarity, consistency, and honesty, you’ll earn the kind of respect that lasts way longer than a ‘cool boss’ reputation. And if all else fails? Remember: even great leaders have awkward moments. It’s part of the job. 😅
Ready to feel sturdy in your style as a manager?
If you’re a new manager looking to build trust, my New Manager program is designed to help you lead with confidence, clarity, and impact. Let’s talk about how to find your own leadership style. Book a Discovery Call Here.
